Confident BeginnerA Jack of no Trades
Alert: this is a complaining post.
I GET IT! This is supposed to be a sewing blog and here I am, making spoons and complaining about things. But hey, you subscribed! So you have to continue to read my drivel until you click that unfollow button, amirite?!
(I am just kidding PLEASE DON’T UNFOLLOW ME I LOVE YOU DONT LEAVE ME PLEEEASSEE)
Following along on my train of posts that are barely sewing related, I bring you this: basically a conversation I plan on having with myself that you may or may not want to continue reading. I promise I won’t be offended if you leave, but hey there could be some jokes somewhere (in the otherwise deep despair and perpetual existential crises). THAT’S RIGHT. I PLURALIZED THAT BECH. I AM HIGH ON THE MULTIPLE CRISIS SCALE*
(*not particularly high, but anxiety manifests in many different ways).
ALERT: I AM #WOKE! I KNOW THESE ARE WHITE MIDDLE CLASS FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS. I just wanted everyone to know that I know that you know that I know that im #woke.
I sew. And from time to time, I sew pretty well. But never good enough for me to be like “I’m professional AF”. So, I thought, wouldn’t it be interesting if I took classes for this.
Now here I am, months later with a sinking, scary feeling in my stomach and 1800 different life decisions to make. This ‘take a few classes’ idea has now morphed into ‘do I want to go to school for fashion design and production’ and ‘what will I do with the rest of my life even’ and ‘where is money and how does one find it?’
However, the thing that is holding me back the most right now is this: I went in looking to improve my sewing skills, not to become a fashion designer. But in the future (and let’s talk about #truedreams right now) I would like the ability to work in a hip and trendy sewing related environment. Do I honestly know what that means? No. But if I could be in an place where I can listen to the sound of feed dogs on fabric AND Solange’s A Seat At the Table AND other people think I am good enough to be there, I think my life would be complete. I think schooling would be a great way for me to refine my skills while marketing myself and looking for a way into the sewing world. But, I haven’t ever wanted to be a fashion ‘designer’ per se.
Like, yah duhhh of course I watched Project Runway and Project Runway Canada (hollah at you, Iman) and yeah I know a few things about fashion houses through the ages (I see you Marge Simpson in your butchered Chanel suit), but never in my life have I said: Man, do I ever want to be on a runway.
Is that an issue? I bet if I was 18 and could get all of the student loans it would not be a thing. I would just be all like ‘ILL LIVE AT HOME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE FASSSHIOONNNN’ and mindlessly jump in without thinking about it. But I am mother-flipping 30 years old. Who takes risks when they got bills to pay? Should I continue pursuing school although I don’t know if I want to design? Is that all that school would be about, or will I get what I actually want out of it? Will that knowledge be worth $30, 000?
(ps. welcome to my mind. This is what it is actually like 23 1/2 hours a day)
ANYWAYS, are you still here? This post did have a point.
No matter what I do, the first thing I have to create is a fashion portfolio. Every school needs one to apply, so I thought I may as well work on it, whether or not I decide to go forward with my millennial dreams or just kick it as a hobby sewist who dreams of more. Now, if you don’t think I haven’t already stressed out about this project for days and days and days and given myself some mega stress acne, HA bech you wrong.
Being that I have not had dreams of designing, I am very nervous about this fashion portfolio. I used to sketch, I used to draw, I used to clip images from magazines, but now I am old and bitter and spend my time seam ripping and watching crime procedurals on Netflix.
So, I am going to challenge myself right here, right now with this: I am going to start practicing fashion illustrations and drawing and posting them on the blog! Is that a thing that you would like? Maybe. Will I be good at it? probably not. Will I eventually start posting god damn sewing projects again? GAAWWWWWWWDDDDD GET OFF OF MY BUTT ABOUT IT OK.
Starting today (read: soon) I will be:
- Posting sewing projects. I currently have 3 awaiting completion and 1,000,000 in queue. I’ll be a good blogger again soon! I promise!
- Posting Fashion Portfolio things: mood board, inspiration, all that jazz. And I am going to tag them so that I will have them all in one category on the blog. I have also started a pinterest board like any good social media starlet, so I am going to continue posting some mega inspiration on that bad boy.
- Never! Stop! Believing (that my life is one constant ball of anxiety)!
How was that reading for you? Cause it seemed prettttyyyy neurotic to me.
PS. As a present for you for reading through all of that trash, here are some Broad City gifs that make life worth living.